You Don’t Have to be Dr. House

“Little momma got a little pill to swallow

A little water to follow it down the tunnel
Gotta lotta walls but the house is hollow
Got a lot of holes, never found the shovel
Panic attack, so what’s the plan of attack?”…          

             

 I try to keep an even keel approach to stress. By nature it isn’t a big issue and when detected I recognize, deal and move on. However, I’ve had some ongoing stressors related to this move, and most certainly employment & funds are the leading contributing factor, along with a little self doubt and uncertainty.  Yesterday, as I was immersed in a variety of job listings that looked bleak…Memphis bleak, I think I experienced a bit of panic attack symptoms.  Anxiety filled thoughts, shortness of breath, headache and jagged nerves crept over me. I stepped away, focused on deep breathing and practiced a little positive self talk. I felt better immediately and organically self medicated….then recognized, dealt and moved on.

 

…“So what you drinking? So what you popping?
So what you eating? So what you dropping?
So what you smoking? So what you sniffing?
So how you coping? So what’s the difference?”

                           Panic Attack by Atmosphere

Detour

on the road

 I’m fresh of the road again and transitioning into another relocation situation… and obviously felt the need to blog about it.  As a frequent participant in online social media, I also feel compelled to contribute to it.  I also feel compelled to stave off the doldrums as I’m prone to stir craziness.  I’m a new resident of a quaint down home community in Northern Arizona after a year and 1/2  stint in Los Angeles and 6 years in Chicago.  Let’s just say adjustments will be made. However, I went to college in Minnesota and grew up in North Dakota, so quaint and down home is not unfamiliar territory. Nor is it undesirable. This move is motivated by the opportunity to pursue further education and unique chance to spend time with family that I’ve been distant from (geographically, not emotionally) for a dozen or so years.  Although not entirely clear as of, I feel this move is the best decision to pursue my ambitions for career development.  When things become more clear I’ll…. write a post about it. 

 Ideally, my preference would have been gaining this clarity while living in LA. I’m a huge proponent of urban dwelling and all things diverse that a city has to offer.  LA specifically offered my best friends of whom have all lived together in some combination over the last 14 years from college, Chi-town and LA.  Clito, Drew and vZa… my bruthas from otha muthas, one mutha being my aunt, making one brutha my cuz.  We’re all like-minded thirty somethings who have maintained our youthful disposition and appreciation of social opportunities. Which means we often take advantage of the potential for a good time.  And good times we had; bowling nites, beach outings, football sundays, cabana nites,  kitchen chaos,  Wii action,  Hip-Hop and most enjoyably living room lounging.  Good times indeed.  Not so much professionally however,  and that imbalance was throwing me off-kilter.

 Much like how I felt near the end of my Chicago days, where professionally I was content and progressing adequately. I absolutely valued the agency I worked for and felt so positively about the impactful work we were doing. Yet, personally I didn’t feel 100% fulfilled.  Now, I love the city of Chicago, had many a fantastic adventure, and built a great friend base.  Just didn’t quite feel…balanced. 

 I feel alright about the direction this detour has taken me. With all my experience of being on the road, it’s often been the unexpected turns that have lead to the most interesting destinations.